my reality, you’re escape

Hey all, another personal post.

So I got hired full-time where I work… So did the Colombian Girl, and she got the same posting as me

Is fate trying to tell us something?  The past two weekends we’ve planned on going out, just the 2 of us, to celebrate getting hired.  Both plans fell threw, but the second time she asked me out so I dunno how to take it.  Is she interested or is my head playing games with my heart?

I still have to ask her again if the age thing still bothers her, she is about 10 years older then myself and has a 12 year old son…  That adds a new level of challenge that none of my friends can help me with.

We enjoy being around each other a lot.  I find it very easy to talk to her unlike the ex.

The only other problem I foresee is that we work in the same department together at work, that might make it challenging to hide it from our co-workers and to keep the personal stuff from affecting work.

The day we went for orientation for work we spent quite some time together, we even took what felt like a 3o minute bus ride (but actually ended up being close to 2 hours lol) together back down to where she lives.

I really think she’s coming around to the idea and I do honestly think she’s starting to at least develop some feeling for me.

Regardless for me it’s no real loss if I get turned down again, I’ll just keep trying, that’s what I do and I believe she already knows this as I haven’t been discouraged yet.

Dammit!  (As a note this is only going to be a personal post, nothing to do with qR, RazorIRC or anything else.)

So I saw her the other day, we went to see and movie, she obviously doesn’t realize I was/am pissed off at her…

Anyways here’s what lead up to this.  I’ve been helping the potential girlfriend look for a job since shes fairly new to the country (she be Latin-American ) anyways I was thinking since the *erm* old girl is the assistant manager where she works I could try seeing if there’s anything there.  The only problem with the was I stopped talking to her in February…  All I could think about the past week was trying to “fix” the friendship.

Well turns out I have no fixing to do still now that’s not to say there wont be in the future when I run into that bastard she calls a boyfriend, I know I’ll have to fix the friendship then.  Anyways there’s nothing there, but the longer we all hung out the more the pain grew, I’m surprised that I didn’t snap at one point.  She has no clue the pain I’ve gone through to try and be with her.

I’ve given up on her but she still manages to cause me pain, it could be because I also considered her to be a closer friend then my best friend, and now I can’t trust her…

I’m probably a fool for wanting this but I want to be able to trust her again.

Anyways onto some more positive postings!

The one I’ve trying to get a job and going after, the Columbine girl, well the search for a job for her isn’t going well…

And recently my options for a girlfriend have opened slightly more, I met a girl the other night at a restaurant, shes a waitress there.. actually it was a stunt that my best friend pulled that kinda got that to happen, only problem is I didn’t get her number, I may go back this weekend but Iunno, she is real nice.

Now heres the problem I’m gonna have, the Columbine girl I have already opened up to, she’s the first person in a long time that I managed to do that to, I always have this sort of armor there the prevents me from opening up to anyone…

Shit I started falling into the same trap/hole I did with the last girl…

Why? why do I let that happen…

I think I may have scared this one away… fuck >.<

Oh well.

I was trying to ask one of my old co-workers something and I was talking to her beforehand and I think she thinks I was following her… -.- She was acting wired towards me all night too :/

Ehh…