my reality, you’re escape

Dammit!  (As a note this is only going to be a personal post, nothing to do with qR, RazorIRC or anything else.)

So I saw her the other day, we went to see and movie, she obviously doesn’t realize I was/am pissed off at her…

Anyways here’s what lead up to this.  I’ve been helping the potential girlfriend look for a job since shes fairly new to the country (she be Latin-American ) anyways I was thinking since the *erm* old girl is the assistant manager where she works I could try seeing if there’s anything there.  The only problem with the was I stopped talking to her in February…  All I could think about the past week was trying to “fix” the friendship.

Well turns out I have no fixing to do still now that’s not to say there wont be in the future when I run into that bastard she calls a boyfriend, I know I’ll have to fix the friendship then.  Anyways there’s nothing there, but the longer we all hung out the more the pain grew, I’m surprised that I didn’t snap at one point.  She has no clue the pain I’ve gone through to try and be with her.

I’ve given up on her but she still manages to cause me pain, it could be because I also considered her to be a closer friend then my best friend, and now I can’t trust her…

I’m probably a fool for wanting this but I want to be able to trust her again.

Anyways onto some more positive postings!

The one I’ve trying to get a job and going after, the Columbine girl, well the search for a job for her isn’t going well…

And recently my options for a girlfriend have opened slightly more, I met a girl the other night at a restaurant, shes a waitress there.. actually it was a stunt that my best friend pulled that kinda got that to happen, only problem is I didn’t get her number, I may go back this weekend but Iunno, she is real nice.

Now heres the problem I’m gonna have, the Columbine girl I have already opened up to, she’s the first person in a long time that I managed to do that to, I always have this sort of armor there the prevents me from opening up to anyone…

No, can’t say that I can… Yet…

So that was a moot effort to go out with her this weekend…   She’s went out with one of her girlfriends on valentines… oh well…

Supposed this week is reading week, so she said we might go out then, I don’t have my hopes set to high…

(This was meant to be published days ago…)