my reality, you're escape

Dammit!  (As a note this is only going to be a personal post, nothing to do with qR, RazorIRC or anything else.)

So I saw her the other day, we went to see and movie, she obviously doesn’t realize I was/am pissed off at her…

Anyways here’s what lead up to this.  I’ve been helping the potential girlfriend look for a job since shes fairly new to the country (she be Latin-American ) anyways I was thinking since the *erm* old girl is the assistant manager where she works I could try seeing if there’s anything there.  The only problem with the was I stopped talking to her in February…  All I could think about the past week was trying to “fix” the friendship.

Well turns out I have no fixing to do still now that’s not to say there wont be in the future when I run into that bastard she calls a boyfriend, I know I’ll have to fix the friendship then.  Anyways there’s nothing there, but the longer we all hung out the more the pain grew, I’m surprised that I didn’t snap at one point.  She has no clue the pain I’ve gone through to try and be with her.

I’ve given up on her but she still manages to cause me pain, it could be because I also considered her to be a closer friend then my best friend, and now I can’t trust her…

I’m probably a fool for wanting this but I want to be able to trust her again.

Anyways onto some more positive postings!

The one I’ve trying to get a job and going after, the Columbine girl, well the search for a job for her isn’t going well…

And recently my options for a girlfriend have opened slightly more, I met a girl the other night at a restaurant, shes a waitress there.. actually it was a stunt that my best friend pulled that kinda got that to happen, only problem is I didn’t get her number, I may go back this weekend but Iunno, she is real nice.

Now heres the problem I’m gonna have, the Columbine girl I have already opened up to, she’s the first person in a long time that I managed to do that to, I always have this sort of armor there the prevents me from opening up to anyone…

Shit I started falling into the same trap/hole I did with the last girl…

Why? why do I let that happen…

I think I may have scared this one away… fuck >.<

Oh well.

I was trying to ask one of my old co-workers something and I was talking to her beforehand and I think she thinks I was following her… -.- She was acting wired towards me all night too :/

Ehh…

So it’s that time of year again, the time where I become a prick… Well more of then usual…

I hate February’s so much it isn’t funny, I can’t really explain why as I don’t know why.

Anyways she promised that we’d go out next month so it brightened this month up a bit. J

Work… Well I’m working in supplies for this month… so I’m on my own for the month, I kind of like it, gives me time to think and think a lot I do…  I started planning out stuff to do with her so I’m happy… But because I have this time to think a lot that one fucked up day of this month will bug me even more as it gets nearer…

Anyways enough of that…

I’m starting the design process of RazorIRC.com I’m also working on the backend now since I have a local web server set up on my MacBook now…  By either the end of this month or next there will be a limited beta of the websites user systems and storage systems.

Once we start rolling out the RazorIRC betas we’ll open the site up to the general public and also start implementing the billing systems, we’re probably going to be using PayPal for now.

There’s also going to be some major changes to the blog soon, I’m thinking of ditching WordPress and writing my own the ties into the backend network for quantumRadio (oh there I go mentioning that again) but that project is still under wraps

This backend is part of Project Crystal and you’ll be hearing about it soon, I don’t plan on releasing much details on this project though as it’s actually completely un-related to RazorIRC.com, quantumRadio and Escape From Reality and I want to keep it under wraps for as long as possible.  All I’m going to say is though it may have something to do with the business I start up soon

However I will shoot this information out about Project Crystal.  It has nothing to do with Crystal Engine (which actually doesn’t exist anymore.).  So if you were planning on asking that question don’t;